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An interesting article about taking a husband's name
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dick



Joined: 22 Mar 2007
Posts: 2511

PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 11:50 am    Post subject: An interesting article about taking a husband's name Reply with quote

On Yahoo's newpage today, the article suggests reasons why women choose to or choose not to change their names when they marry. In a tangential sort of way, the article more or less backs up the traditionalism of romance fiction.
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Tee



Joined: 22 Mar 2007
Posts: 4225
Location: Detroit Metro

PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 3:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I looked for that article on the Yahoo page, but I couldn't find it. From your brief description, it sounded interesting and I would have enjoyed looking at it.
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Yulie



Joined: 22 Mar 2007
Posts: 1150
Location: Elsewhere

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 6:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dick, would it have been so difficult to copy the link and paste it into your post? The Yahoo news page changes very quickly, and recommending a story without linking to it pretty much ensures it'll be difficult to find.

Tee - I assume this is the story Dick was referring to, though I could be wrong.

Personally, I would not consider changing my name completely if I married. I would probably hyphenate, which is what quite a few friends of mine have done. At my age, I'm rather attached to my name (it's pretty) and it's the name I use professionally.
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Maggie AAR



Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 2506

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 7:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I always find it odd that people associate their name with their identity. I think that is because I have had nick names all my life - not just Maggie, which is short for my full name but other nick names too whether they were shrimp (I'm short), baja (ditto), Mags (college friends), Magster etc. I use nick names for both my kids. To be concerned with my last name would seem silly to me.

Other people have also named their kids Maggie (the nerve!) and so online I will occasionally have to use a handle. My poor niece named Nicole would often have two or three Nicoles in her class and she learned to be ready to change to Nicky or Nick at the start of a school year. Maybe when we are constantly having to change our name like that we associate it less with who we are and realize there are many others named the same thing?

Since my first name is what I go by 90% of the time and since my full name is hard to say, I tend to think of myself as some variation of Maggie, not as Maggie Boyd. Nor by my maiden name. I can understand if people want to keep it for professional reasons but I just wasn't attached to mine.

maggie b.
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Tee



Joined: 22 Mar 2007
Posts: 4225
Location: Detroit Metro

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 8:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was an interesting article, dick; and thank you, Yulie, for providing the link. I looked all over the Yahoo page the same day the post was registered, but could not find it.

I was married so long ago, and at a time when women automatically assumed the husband's name, that now I rarely think about it. I wonder what I would have done, though, if I married later. I loved my maiden name and felt I lost some identity by giving it up and using my husband's. Now that I'm a grandmother, I also feel my granddaughter has even a less tie to my heritage, if only by name.

But, realistically, how long can hyphenated names go on from generation to generation? You can't have eight names strung together and separated by hyphens and expect a child to carry that on through life. So, somewhere along the way, names would have to be dropped and we would find ourselves in the same boat when abandoning a name or two.

I rather like the idea of using a maiden name as your middle name. I'm one of the lucky ones--my parents did not give any of their children middle names (neither did we to our kids), so we live fairly uncomplicated lives in the name department not being saddled with extra ones. We could easily adapt the original family name as a middle one, if wanted.
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Yulie



Joined: 22 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 8:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tee wrote:
But, realistically, how long can hyphenated names go on from generation to generation? You can't have eight names strung together and separated by hyphens and expect a child to carry that on through life. So, somewhere along the way, names would have to be dropped and we would find ourselves in the same boat when abandoning a name or two.

I rather like the idea of using a maiden name as your middle name. I'm one of the lucky ones--my parents did not give any of their children middle names (neither did we to our kids), so we live fairly uncomplicated lives in the name department not being saddled with extra ones. We could easily adapt the original family name as a middle one, if wanted.

In Israel, where I live, most people do not have middle names. So this would not have been a good solution for my friends. One of my friends recently told me that she and her future husband will both hyphenate - she'll use hers-his, while he'll have his-hers.

As for retaining hyphenated names, I know that in Spanish speaking cultures, people usually have two last names, though sometimes only one will be used - e.g. if anyone remembers the original Colombian Ugly Betty, the character was named Beatriz Pinson Solano, having gotten the Pinzon from her father and the Solano from her mother. Her mother had three last names. One of my favorite figure skaters is Spain's Javier Fernandez, whose full name is Javier Fernandez Lopez - he uses the shorter version in competition, but I'm pretty sure he goes by the full version everywhere else. I like this naming method, though it can result in very long names.
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catgrace



Joined: 02 Jan 2008
Posts: 22

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 9:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I also couldn't find the article, even though I saw this thread just a few minutes after it was first posted. Yahoo doesn't stay the same for very long.

I use my husband's name, but I appreciate the flexibility that being married offers me. I see it as an extra name that I can choose to use, but which doesn't take away my original name. That name is still mine, although I normally don't use it for simplicity and to match my kids. It's always there, and it isn't going anywhere. I don't need to advertise it, because I know it's mine.
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dick



Joined: 22 Mar 2007
Posts: 2511

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 10:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry about the lack of link, but I never seem to get it right when I try to stick in the link. I'm not exactly a whiz when it comes to manipulating computers.

But, what about the comments of those who did change their names? Didn't they remind anyone of the marriage/children endings and epilogues of romance fiction?

By the way, Yulie, how did you make that link from the article to the words in italics in your post?
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Tee



Joined: 22 Mar 2007
Posts: 4225
Location: Detroit Metro

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 10:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

dick wrote:
Sorry about the lack of link, but I never seem to get it right when I try to stick in the link.

All you have to do is go to the space with your curser where the link appears at the top of the web site, go to the end of link's words, then left-click. It should be highlited. If it's not, then highlite it yourself. Then right-click and when the menu appears, left-click "copy." Now go back to your post and left-click your curser where you'd like the link; right-click again to bring up the menu, and left-click "paste."

It may sound confusing, but if you walk through the steps, it's really quite easy.
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Yulie



Joined: 22 Mar 2007
Posts: 1150
Location: Elsewhere

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

dick wrote:
By the way, Yulie, how did you make that link from the article to the words in italics in your post?

I hadn't actually considered the possibility that you might have had trouble with linking - my apologies.

Hyperlinking tutorial for this kind of forum (AAR admins, please give us vBulletin, where life is simple): highlight the text you've chosen to hyperlink, then click on URL (the option on the right).

You'll see something like this: [url]text[/url]

Insert an = sign after the url in the first brackets, then the link itself - like this:
[ url = http://www.goldenskate.com/forum/index.php] text [ /url] (I have added spaces to avoid linking). I just used a random link (to a vBulletin forum Very Happy).

Use the preview function to make sure the hyperlink is okay, then post your comment. It's much simpler than it sounds, you just have to get the hang of it.
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Nicole



Joined: 23 Apr 2007
Posts: 469
Location: Las Cruces, New Mexico

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 2:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't have any qualms about eventually changing my name to my husbands. I have a fairly generic name so I don't feel a strong sense of attachment to it. I'm also not culturally attached to my name. Both my parents were in the military so we never lived close to any family. My last name is German (Meyer), and I certainly feel little to no connection to a German heritage.

I want to have the same last name as my kids at least, because of school and paperwork issues. Why make things harder for the bureaucrats out there. They already screw up enough stuff with out me throwing hurdles in their path. After her divorce my mother always said she was going to revert back to her maiden name when my sister and I got out of school, but by the time that happened she just didn't care anymore and has kept my fathers last name. I guess she got used it it, which is a shame because her maiden name is much nicer.
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limagal



Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Posts: 94
Location: lima, peru

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I also married when keeping your last name was not thought of but I married a Peruvian and moved to Peru, so I never really lost my last name but had "de" and my husband's last name tacked on. "De" means "of" as in "wife of." Now, for the official identification card, I have also picked up my mother's last name, which in the US I never used, So I am first name, middle name, last name, mother's last and then "de husband's," and that is fairly short. People who have a famous last name try to keep it for more generations if, for example the famous last name comes from the mother, then the next generation will use "smith famous" as their first last name to keep it alive. However, this can get too long after a while.
Even when I was first married however. I found it strange that I would get letters from my friends addressed as "Mrs John Doe." I never have referred to myself as Mrs. and husband's name. I always found it shocking that "Jane Smith" would disappear into a "Mrs. John Doe." Terrible.
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Susan/DC



Joined: 26 Mar 2007
Posts: 1669

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 10:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nicole wrote:


I want to have the same last name as my kids at least, because of school and paperwork issues. Why make things harder for the bureaucrats out there. They already screw up enough stuff with out me throwing hurdles in their path. After her divorce my mother always said she was going to revert back to her maiden name when my sister and I got out of school, but by the time that happened she just didn't care anymore and has kept my fathers last name. I guess she got used it it, which is a shame because her maiden name is much nicer.


I agree that in some ways it's easier, but since my mother did the traditional thing and changed her name when she married my father, then changed it to her new husband's name after my parents' divorce and her remarriage, I grew up with a mother with a different last name even though it wasn't because she kept her maiden name. It was no big deal; I certainly knew she was my mom and the school learned very fast that Mrs. B was Susan K's mom, so it wasn't an issue there either.

I'd be happier if it weren't always the woman to change her name, however, as it indicates that her family is the less important one. If the court clerk flipped a coin when you got your marriage license and then whoever called the toss correctly (heads or tails) got his/her name for the family, it would send a more egalitarian message.
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Eliza



Joined: 21 Aug 2011
Posts: 1264

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 10:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Like Maggie, I don't associate my name with my identity;
like Nicole, I wanted to have the same name as my children; and
like Tee, I think the hyphen thing could get out of control.

I married after the feminist revolution, so to say, but did change my last name. And though I'm divorced, my last name's still the same as my son's. (I refer to that other person as my son's father! )

It's kinda funny to me now to think of how much our language has turned into an acronymic alphabet soup, esp. online, but surnames get longer. I do get though that each person has different things that are central to and meaningful in how they see themselves.
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ladynaava



Joined: 11 Apr 2007
Posts: 938
Location: California

PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 12:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't think hyphenated names are that bad really. Had a male co-worker with a hyphenated parental last name, and it was kind of cool since I always found it very progressive.

Whatever people want to do, as long as they choose to do by choice.

I'm not remotely attached to my father's name, and have always wanted to change my last name to my mother's maiden name, since she she is my favorite parent and her name is just much cooler than his, so I wouldn't care about ditching my last name if I got married, I have never liked it.

I probably would not take a name that sounded dorky or unprofessional though. I think names are important and life is too short to go through life with a albatross name. So nope on Colon, Dinkle, Ho or Maggity. (From list of worse last names).

I'm also not opposed to the hubby taking my last namem, what is good for the goose and all. I'm just glad its not a given that the wife takes the hubby's last name and that people have and are exploring their options.
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