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Men's Attitudes Toward Romances?
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Lynda X



Joined: 05 Apr 2007
Posts: 1479

PostPosted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 11:41 pm    Post subject: Men's Attitudes Toward Romances? Reply with quote

I just got off another romance site, discussing book giving. Generally, we all agreed that it was a dangerous thing to do, and a couple of people mentioned that their fathers hated their reading romance. If my father were still alive, he would drip with condescension about my romance reading (he pretty much thought people should read only the New Yorker and classics, although I can't remember his reading anything other than his NYer, but he was sick for most of his life, so he gets a pass). One of my good friends when she got married stopped reading romances, because she was afraid that that they reinforced unrealistic expectations. Anyway (read this with a sigh), how do the men in your life feel about your romances, and why?
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Vellorine



Joined: 12 Oct 2007
Posts: 106

PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 12:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

my ex was an neurotic, insecure and extremely romantic young man. even though my expectations from him were not affected by starting to read romance at all, he was growing worried that I might find him inadequate comparing to the romantic heroes. it was ironic that I, a rather emotionally reserved person, was actually learning to be romantic for him via reading...
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Charlotte McClain



Joined: 04 Oct 2008
Posts: 400
Location: Ohio

PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 9:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think the reason men are insecure about romance is because they watch porn. Porn gives an unrealistic view of what people are capable of and men know it. They assume romance novels are the same way. For years my husband referred to romance novels as women's porn, but once he started talking to me about the nuts and bolts of constructing a plot, he realized that there way more to it than that.

And, honestly, some of the heroes we love to read about? Sure his demons are great and make for a challenge for the heroine, but would you want to deal with that for the rest of your life?
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Tee



Joined: 22 Mar 2007
Posts: 4225
Location: Detroit Metro

PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 9:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Charlotte McClain wrote:
I think the reason men are insecure about romance is because they watch porn. Porn gives an unrealistic view of what people are capable of and men know it. They assume romance novels are the same way.

Maybe we can use the analogy of how differently people prefer to consume liquor. Some like it straight, no chaser. And others need the more exotic mixes with the names and embellishments that accompany them. I would think what you said about men and women and their wants in reading about relationships generally sounds good to me. Not all men and not all women, but probably not far off, Charlotte. The majority of us women are most likely in the middle somewhere in all of that.
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dick



Joined: 22 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 11:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It all depends, I think, on definition. What is porn, after all, but erotica without much plot? I've read and watched some porn which is remarkably close to some romance fiction. I've also read a considerable number of romance novels, some of which, in my thinking, come pretty close to some porn. I don't think males avoid or discountenance romance fiction for any reason except non-acquaintance with it. I've never completely accepted the validity of the RWA's statistics about the number of males who read romance fiction, especially romantic suspense. I think any male who has read say Parker's Spencer series or Sander's Prey series would probably read and enjoy Karen Rose, Jan Coffey, Lynn Erickson, Melissa Melton, or even Samantha Saxon.
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Kass



Joined: 23 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 11:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My husband's never had any problems with me reading whatever I want to. However, Neal Conan on NPR is a hypocrite, because he dissed romance novels when he had Paul Tolme on, but clearly responds to extraordinarily sappy romantic movies. (He's not really a man in my life, but he's a man who's dissed romance novels that I know shouldn't.)
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xina



Joined: 22 Mar 2007
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Location: minneapolis

PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 12:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My husband doesn't care either. Although, he does seem to take a second look at some of the covers...but who doesn't? I've always read a lot and have always had a book going, but when I started reading romance, I think he did notice, but didn't say anything. The only time he said anything was when the books started piling up! I used to buy at bookstores and UBS's...still do, but take a lot from the library now. Noticing the accumulation (bins of books) he starting suggesting that he take some to his favorite UBS to sell them. The only comment I remember was that he referred to them as "those little books". I don't know why...they are the same size as any other genre. Rolling Eyes
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Schola



Joined: 10 Jun 2007
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 2:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Charlotte McClaine wrote:
I think the reason men are insecure about romance is because they watch porn. Porn gives an unrealistic view of what people are capable of and men know it. They assume romance novels are the same way.


+IHS+

If any man ever says as much to me, I'll make him read a Leigh Greenwood Romance. Every time I finish something else on Greenwood's backlist, I feel a bit wiser--as if I've just talked to a wise old aunt (or I suppose I should say, wise old uncle) whose deep insight into human nature is tempered by a warm sense of humour.

dick wrote:
It all depends, I think, on definition. What is porn, after all, but erotica without much plot? I've read and watched some porn which is remarkably close to some romance fiction. I've also read a considerable number of romance novels, some of which, in my thinking, come pretty close to some porn. I don't think males avoid or discountenance romance fiction for any reason except non-acquaintance with it.


I have a male friend who used to download porn on a regular basis. (I have no idea if he still does and I'm never going to ask.) One of my female friends, whom I had lent a copy of Lisa Kleypas' Secrets of a Summer Night, wanted him to compare the sex scenes in that particular Romance to what he knew was characteristic of porn. To my eternal surprise, he said that he found Kleypas to be more explicit than porn.

(Well, he did read only one sex scene and not a word of the rest of the novel--but I don't know if that was enough to skew his assessment.)
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willaful



Joined: 02 Jan 2008
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 2:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My husband and I talk about them fairly often... I think he's really curious about why I respond to them so much and what they mean to me. And he is sometimes bemused by the way I can turn off my usual expectations about appropriate behavior when I read them. Laughing
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xina



Joined: 22 Mar 2007
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Location: minneapolis

PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 2:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have a male friend who used to download porn on a regular basis. (I have no idea if he still does and I'm never going to ask.) One of my female friends, whom I had lent a copy of Lisa Kleypas' Secrets of a Summer Night, wanted him to compare the sex scenes in that particular Romance to what he knew was characteristic of porn. To my eternal surprise, he said that he found Kleypas to be more explicit than porn.

quote]


This reminds me of when I borrowed a few books to my DIL a few years ago. One of the books was Dying To Please by Linda Howard (one of her weaker books IMO). The next week my son commented...laughingly, that some of the scenes in the book read like porn. I thought that was funny, but I suppose he just picked it up and just happened to read a sex scene. I think I then defended Linda Howard telling him she wasn't a porn writer.
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Elaine S



Joined: 02 Apr 2007
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Location: Rural England

PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 2:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was born with a book in each hand. I learnt to read before I started school. Love me, love my habit, basically. My husband doesn't mind at all and, indeed, we share some reading such as the Richard Sharpe books and so forth. Living in England, we get all of the wonderful BBC costume dramas which are, after all, often soap operas done up in long skirts. He loves them and we watch them together. He is also, surprisingly, a great fan of Catherine Cookson dramatisations - more so, probably, than I. We talked about it once and I said to him that I thought romantic fiction was really stories about relationships and nothing more. Love, when you think about it is high on the list of human priorities, it's not just something women want so it is bound to figure in "romantic" fiction. The sexual element enhances personal relationships and is found in virtually all adult fiction of whatever genre.
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Tess



Joined: 06 May 2007
Posts: 58
Location: WINNIPEG, CANADA

PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 7:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well the only time my spouse minds is when i put the books on hold at the library with HIS card, because then he has to go pick them up himself.
He gets really embarrased when he has to pick up books like Johnson's AT HER SERVICE with the muscular half naked male torsos on the cover. Last time he picked up books for me he was pissed when he got home and told me the librarian's eyebrows shot up her forehead when he was checking out DON'T TEMPT ME, BAD BOYS AHOY and LADY SOPHIA'S LOVER LOL.
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LinnieGayl



Joined: 22 Mar 2007
Posts: 829

PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 8:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tess wrote:
Well the only time my spouse minds is when i put the books on hold at the library with HIS card, because then he has to go pick them up himself.
He gets really embarrased when he has to pick up books like Johnson's AT HER SERVICE with the muscular half naked male torsos on the cover. Last time he picked up books for me he was pissed when he got home and told me the librarian's eyebrows shot up her forehead when he was checking out DON'T TEMPT ME, BAD BOYS AHOY and LADY SOPHIA'S LOVER LOL.



Oh my gosh, Tess, that gave me a good laugh.
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Mark



Joined: 22 Mar 2007
Posts: 1407

PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 8:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was going to skip this thread since as a bachelor my attitudes don't affect a SO, but an earlier post about porn prompts a response. I tried a few porn books several years ago. The sex scenes might be considered comparable to a badly written (unconvincing HEA) Blaze book or some other book with a very thin plot to stitch together a lot of sex scenes. I enjoy erotic pictures (Playboy), but much prefer romances to porn in written material. Romances, even sexy ones, feature emotional connections and basic optimism lacking from the porn I tried.
To give an idea of relative value for me, I've read about 20 porn books and over 3,000 romances.
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willaful



Joined: 02 Jan 2008
Posts: 1557

PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 8:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In praise of my husband, he has picked up romances for me at the library and bookstore with nary a quiver. Which is more than I can say for myself!
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