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"Fifty Shames of Earl Grey"
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doreenahk



Joined: 08 Sep 2008
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 8:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

And Yulie too. I'm mostly just a lurker but I do miss her contributions to these boards.


Eliza wrote:
As you made perfectly clear, it's your board and you can do as you please, so if you don't care that people leave, as you made very clear to Tacilija and to any others who more likely leave without saying so, so be it. If you want this board to be all 50 shades all the time with a few chosen posters, go right ahead. What will be will be. It's only my personal opinion, and I don't mean it in unkind way, but I think you've lost too much already. That said, best of luck.

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PWNN



Joined: 11 Apr 2010
Posts: 911

PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 8:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sandy AAR wrote:
eliza,

I am not going to provide a definition of civil since most of us recognize uncivil when we see it.

It is not unreasonable to wonder why a poster continues to participate in a thread she/he is not enjoying and, even worse, tries to lessen the enjoyment of others. It is not uncivil to defend yourself.

And, I agree, the posters were not uncivil. A bit snarky, yes, but not without provocation.

And if anyone is reading this who is not enjoying the thread, I've got to wonder why.


I wonder why people participate in a thread they don't enjoy and make it less fun for other posters. It's why I haven't posted in the #2-5 threads on FSOG. They've become threads for fans and I'm not one.

But where is the provocation in this topic? Was the mere posting of this topic considered provocation? Is any topic in any way criticizing or heaven for-fend poking fun at a BOOK considered sufficient provocation to be uncivil or snarky to fellow posters? I haven't noticed that trend on this board where there are multiple topics criticizing books, authors and themes.

So why are fans of FSOG who evidently loathe the idea of any criticism of the books repeatedly engaging in a topic based on that? Why would Eliza who introduced an interesting critical article from the NY Times instead be considered the one who is provoking? How are suggestions that she leave not only the thread but the forum not considered uncivil?

Shelf, I appreciate your comment as I was feeling more than a bit put off and uncomfortable which is why I decided to just disengage before I became uncivil and forgot I post here for entertainment not drama.
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Anne_Gresley



Joined: 31 May 2010
Posts: 47

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 3:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

dick wrote:
Further, I really don't see how there's much more to write about 50 shades, which seems to have taken on immortality. I at least visit this site most days, and I've noticed that thread sits at the top of this board every time. I doubt any book deserves over 100 pages of posts.


The 50 shades threads are great for those who enjoyed the book and, as far as I'm concerned, they can stay at the top of the board forever as long as the commentors are enjoying themselves. But it is a shame if posters start to feel they can't comment here on a thread about a 50 shades parody for fear of offending 50 shades fans.
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Linda in sw va



Joined: 27 Mar 2007
Posts: 4708

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 5:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Anne_Gresley wrote:
[The 50 shades threads are great for those who enjoyed the book and, as far as I'm concerned, they can stay at the top of the board forever as long as the commentors are enjoying themselves. But it is a shame if posters start to feel they can't comment here on a thread about a 50 shades parody for fear of offending 50 shades fans.


Posters are welcome to comment here about the parody, though I notice most posts are not about the actual parody. As a Fifty Shades fan I'm not going to get offended, though I may disagree on whether a parody is an actual compliment to the author or not, etc. I am generally not a fan of parodies and never read them even when AAR would feature them regularly but I don't think they're evil or a sign of things gone wrong in America, etc.

If you want to talk about the parody feel free.

Linda
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Anne_Gresley



Joined: 31 May 2010
Posts: 47

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 6:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Linda in sw va wrote:
Posters are welcome to comment here about the parody, though I notice most posts are not about the actual parody. As a Fifty Shades fan I'm not going to get offended, though I may disagree on whether a parody is an actual compliment to the author or not, etc. I am generally not a fan of parodies and never read them even when AAR would feature them regularly but I don't think they're evil or a sign of things gone wrong in America, etc.

If you want to talk about the parody feel free.

Linda


I agree it's a shame the original discussion was derailed, but I'm not sorry we're talking about civility and how to make things so that everyone feels welcome on the boards.
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Kristie(J)



Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 1110
Location: Southwestern Ontario, Canada

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 7:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

More and more I am saddened at what I see happening here at AAR. This site has made such a tremendous difference in my life but more and more now I see the boards, especially this one, being hijacked by one or two posters in particular. They seem to think they speak for the majority of AAR visitors but they certainly DO NOT speak for me. They strike me as being very squealy fan girlish over one book in particular and I donít really see any point in anyone posting about anything else as all other conversations are drowned out by these two, despite their "permission" for us to post on another topic. Of course whatever other topic is brought up with be drowned out by the 50 group. But what I find very sad is the passive aggressive, hostile attitude that the most frequent poster and her 'second in command' has. She makes no bones about her disdain for what she calls ďmean girl bloggersĒ while at the same time is completely oblivious to how her own attitudes come across.


Iíve debated for quite some time now on whether to Ďsayí anything. In fact I was even talking to my sister about my frustration coming here anymore and she asked why I did. Itís because not so very long ago I loved this site and there are still so many things and posters I appreciate. But more and more often Iím finding myself frustrated by the thread that drowns out all others and the main people who keep it going. Iíve said it before that even with the very bestest book in the entire whole wide world that was ever written, I would give up discussion after a while.

What I also feel very sad about is rather than say anything to those posters who treat AAR as their own personal playing ground; who boot out anyone else who doesn't agree with them; who dare to question the 50 Shades obsession, the administration finally speaks up, not about their subversive hostile behaviour, but rather feels the need to take to task a poster who has the gall to say something about greed in America (hello - can we say Kardasian?)

I think we are starting to see those of us who have visited and loved this site for years finally voicing our 'distress' over what is currently going on; over why two posters in particular are so in love with seeing the huge numbers of posts, that they feel the need to post 2, 3, 4 or more posts in a row rather than addressing a number of different issues all in the same post.

I know that freedom of speech is important and any kind of censorship is a bit bugaboo - but as far as I'm concerned enough is enough. If those who feel the need to still carry on the 50 Shades minutia that is making me (and apparently others ) want to scream, take it off site and let the rest of us get on with other topics and not come here and see the 50 Shades thread yet again at the top of the ladder.

This is not the same place as it used to be a few short years ago and I am very distressed by that.
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Sandy AAR



Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 443

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 8:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

First of all, to dick and Kristie J: If you don't want to read this thread, then don't. Start another thread. Add a post to another, both of you have been around AAR long enough to know how the message board works. But this much is a fact: We have never stifled reader discussion at AAR and we're not going to start today just because some posters don't like it.

Secondly, this thread when not out right aggressive has devolved into an exercise in passive-aggressiveness that I can't defend either. So, I'm going to ask everyone to take a deep breath before posting. Our boards are not especially friendly and welcoming these days and I'd like that to stop.

In the long history of the Interwebs, the flounce has become very familiar. Some who flounce off come back. Others don't. It is what it is.

Ultimately, this is a message board about romance novels. If this has become more to anyone than that, maybe it is time to take a step back.
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Linda in sw va



Joined: 27 Mar 2007
Posts: 4708

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 8:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kristie can you please explain to my how any topic brought up is being drowned out by the Fifty Shades of Grey thread? Simply because it gets moved to the top of the board? I don't see how that stifles discussion of any other book, any time a thread has a reply it will get moved to the top of the board as well. In the old board format I could see it but not here and now. If you come and the Fifty Shades thread is on top, surely you can look at threads below it as well, it does not block your view. If you see something that interests you then respond, that's the only way a discussion is going to keep going. I don't see where anyone is bringing the discussion of Fifty Shades into other threads that would stifle their discussion aside from this one of course but since it is a parody of the book I would think that's ok. Otherwise other threads have been on topic unless I'm missing something.

I certainly do not feel I speak for anyone on this board other than myself, I'm interested to see where you got that impression?

Lastly I'm not giving you permission to post in other threads, I am merely pointing out the obvious that if you want to discuss other books this is the way to do it. I encourage you to.

Linda
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Kristie(J)



Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 1110
Location: Southwestern Ontario, Canada

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 8:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
First of all, to dick and Kristie J: If you don't want to read this thread, then don't. Start another thread. Add a post to another, both of you have been around AAR long enough to know how the message board works. But this much is a fact: We have never stifled reader discussion at AAR and we're not going to start today just because some posters don't like it.


And I say again what is the point????? Anything else will be drowned out - has been drowned out for months! To be honest, I'm sick to death of it. NO book should get this kind of attention and I truly believe that some are carrying on strictly to be annoying.

Yes, I've been coming here for years now and I have NEVER seen this kind of behavior. I have NEVER come here before only to have my blood pressure boil over the way it does lately. And I don't think it's just some posters who don't like it, who are sick to death of FIVE THREADS OF OVER 15 PAGES ON THE SAME BOOK. I dare say it's most posters who don't. But if you want to cater to those few who have taken over this board, by all means do so - you own it. But if they can do what they are doing, then I have equal rights not to like seeing what is going on and I have the right to get upset when you feel the need to scold others and not say a thing to the passive aggressive type with their oh so sweet smilies and their "permission" to let others post here too.

Yes I've been coming here for years but I can't say how much longer that will go on at this point in time and that makes me angry
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Sandy AAR



Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 443

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 8:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kristie, I asked everyone to take a deep breath before posting. I don't believe you did.

If you find the threads so offensive that you don't even like them on the message boards, I honestly don't know what to tell you to do.
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Tee



Joined: 22 Mar 2007
Posts: 4209
Location: Detroit Metro

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 8:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is a thread that I've not been following because I've not read the books. It's been very easy to sidestep it to get to other threads in which I may have more of an interest. I only began reading it a couple of days ago because I noticed some different posters were chiming in and it aroused my curiosity (which doesn't take much, I admit). Very Happy

My take is that of a few others which is, if a thread doesn't have an attraction for one reason or another, don't visit it. I'm sure most people practice that routine consistently with other subject threads. There have been some threads in the past, too, that were quite impassioned and where only those interested posted. I wish I had a book that I read that garnered that much passion from me; but alas I can't think of any just now.

As far as snarkiness is concerned, we've had that in past threads, too. Is it getting worse? Sometimes I think so. In fact, it was brought to my attention that I have done it also, so I can't point fingers. I believe we like to think we never are guilty doing what we don't like to see in other posts.

I think the site still works very well. I know there are other book sites out there in cyberspace, but they're not devoid of problems either. Civility is still here--this too shall pass and all that other stuff.
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Anne_Gresley



Joined: 31 May 2010
Posts: 47

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 9:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tee wrote:
My take is that of a few others which is, if a thread doesn't have an attraction for one reason or another, don't visit it.


I agree, but where does that leave us with regards to this particular thread? Who should be doing the ignoring? Those who hate 50 Shades? The ones who love it? The snarky ones? The ones who hate the snark?
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Sandy AAR



Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 443

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 9:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Anne_Gresley wrote:
Tee wrote:
My take is that of a few others which is, if a thread doesn't have an attraction for one reason or another, don't visit it.


I agree, but where does that leave us with regards to this particular thread? Who should be doing the ignoring? Those who hate 50 Shades? The ones who love it? The snarky ones? The ones who hate the snark?


Anne, I don't see this post as being particularly helpful at this moment in time.
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Linda in sw va



Joined: 27 Mar 2007
Posts: 4708

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 9:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awwww thank you Tee for your objective input, I think we all needed that. I will work on the snarky. Smile. Not long ago it was complaints that there wasn't enough book discussion on this board and it had turned into mostly 'help me find this book' threads.

I just want to have a last comment on the accusation of a couple posters dominating the boards as I'm pretty sure that was aimed at me. Although I have very much enjoyed posting in the FSoG thread (thank you to those that tolerate our enthusiasm!) I am only participating in a couple other threads at the moment, the Kristen Ashley thread in the Potpourri forum and a couple threads in the chat forum. That doesn't seem like board domination to me, in fact you could easily avoid me and discussing FSoG in one shot by avoiding that thread.

Linda
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Anne_Gresley



Joined: 31 May 2010
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 9:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sandy, I see your point. It looks like I expect people to name names. I meant the questions to be rhetorical, which didn't come across. I apologise.
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